Screwed Up
When nailing it is not enough
If you want to nail something into a piece of wood, you just need a hammer. If you have a screw, you will need more than the appropriate screwdriver. I don’t just mean that the screwdriver needs to fit the screw. Ever seen a long screwdriver? Those screwdrivers are not used by insecure carpenters to compensate for certain shortcomings. They actually allow the user to apply more power in tightening the screw. Thank you IKEA for teaching me that lesson. By which I mean learning that my mini screwdriver was unable to continue with the job while half the screw was still sticking out.
You will also need to drill a pilot hole. Without a pilot hole, there is a risk that the wood splitting or you find that the wood is actually harder than the metal of the screw. Before any master craftsmen start reprimanding me for not purchasing the correct screws, I need to point out that most screws are provided by the product vendor like IKEA¹.
Which leads me to my first question, why screws? How many people assembled their furniture and then dismantled it at a later date? This goes for most screws. They are screwed in once and never get screwed out ever. Most people do not recycle screws. Moreover, if you have much experience with unscrewing screws, you will encounter headaches like stripping out the screw².
Screws are for things that need replacement
Take a look at a door hinge. Notice that they are screwed in? This is because the person putting up the door expects the door to be replaced one day. The truth is that most people do not replace their doors. But like locksmiths, when there is a need to replace a door or lock, you want as little damage to the rest of the house.
Screws offer a chance in undo the work with as little damage as possible. The same applies in life. Whatever task you excel in, you will soon have to adapt to changing circumstances. When you change tasks, you may not want everything to be nailed down.
Screws require planning
I have bashed IKEA enough times so let me even up tell a great decision by IKEA. It was the first cardboard that I needed to help assemble. IKEA not only supplied the screws, IKEA also supplied the solution to screw in.
IKEA’s solution was an inexpensive Allen key that could be disposed after the cardboard was built. There was also no need to drill holes as IKEA had already drilled the holes. Moreover, if you had made a mistake in the assembly, you can unscrew the part.
Earlier I had stated that most people do not recycle screws. That is true mainly for woodwork. For people that need to swap out parts, spare screws (or nuts and bolts) can be a lifesaver. For you to unscrew something, the designer not only needed to provide screws in the design but also have the space to allow the screw to be put in or removed.
Which is why I still purchase IKEA furniture. There is a maximum amount of effort required. I have never needed to Google or search on YouTube how to assemble them. Discounting the incident with a mini screwdriver³, my experience with assembling IKEA stuff have been pretty unremarkable.
Unlike Ryan Reynolds or Blind Al in Deadpool.
Jokes aside, the best design is the one that is transparent. The best teaching is not what is memorable. The best teaching is what is so obvious that the student adopts it without difficulty. Like the Allen key that I figured out its purpose seconds after seeing it.
Screws are old school
I have bashed the nail enough in this article (Pun intended). Let us talk about its modern cousin, glue. Some chemical glue are so good that the work is done in an instant without any fancy tools. No clamping or waiting time.
Except that now I have a different problem. Waste. The glue never comes in the size of my project. And then it dries out before I can start the next project. I can use a rusty hammer or screwdriver but I cannot use dried out glue.
This goes for many modern gizmos. They have a short lifespan. Either the rechargeable battery fails or the software stops being compatible. I can keep a spare of spectacles. They will still work a few years later. A spare smartphone? First you need to charge it up. Then you need to the let the phone updates all the operating systems. Then you find that certain apps no longer work on the obsolete device. Sounds familiar?
In life, not everything goes according to plan. It still make sense to have some old school backups like candles and matches. Or one of IKEA’s solar powered torches. Or my hand cranked torch that still worked after a decade. I have not purchased a new tool in more than a decade and most of the old tools still work.
¹ Or the vendor that sells things that need to screwed into doors or walls. To be fair, most vendors also add that a drill is required in the fine print.
² The screw is stripped out when the metal on the screwdriver is harder than the metal of the screw. Then the unscrewing process damages the head of the screw preventing further attempts to unscrew it. A stripped screw is not some carpenter’s fetish.
³ I have plenty of great memories of the food in IKEA. I am also sitting in an IKEA chair and I sleep on an IKEA mattress. The mini screwdriver incident however is carved in stone.