Confession of Commander
Why Biden’s dogs are biting Secret Service agents
Dear Putin
I have regret to inform you that your tactic to get Trump get into power with Operation Werwolf is not going to plan. Sleepy Joe has still no clue that his dogs were switched with East German Shepards. Well, ex-KGB(Kremlin Good Boys) anyway. We tried to be sleeper agents but your puppet Trump made so much word salad that we thought we had the authorization to start attacking the White House staff. I recommend that you choose another phrase for future operations. A term outside of Trump’s lexicon.
In my defense, I told Comrade Major to hold his attack until we could get the confirmation from Moscow but he felt we could not wait. He has now been banished to a secret black site. The infamous farm upstate. I mean where in the world is Delaware?
As for Comrade Champ, I did warn the team that bringing an old dog back into the field was a bad idea. It is like using T-55 tanks in a modern war. He used to talk in his sleep about how he had to run under tanks back in his days. Weak western imperialist dogs chase cars, Russian dogs chase tanks.
Don’t worry about the Americans finding out about my identity. Americans can’t tell dogs apart especially if the dogs are friendly. Just ask the golden retrievers. Two families had their dogs switched for a few days and it took a literal cat to let the fact out of the bag.
Someday the true feats about the doggy dozen will be revealed to the world. In the meantime, I will continue my mission on shadowing Sleepy Joe. I miss the Victory Day parades of old. The western propaganda kept talking about this year’s parade having a single T-34. As if the Russians are so dumb. In the past, we just kept driving the war machines around to inflate the numbers. I do have some regrets about going to Washinton. When they told me there were tanks in Washinton DC, I did not know they were think tanks.
I am grateful for the eleven Prigozhin surprise that you sent. Those greedy Secret Service agents took them away from me which resulted in some violence. I am truly honoured by the fact that I am rewarded with the same gift as one of your closest allies.
Your best friend,
Commander
PS: I believe that the NATO intelligence have infiltrated a cat in the White House. I have good information that she even gets to climb on Biden’s head.